I’ve been writing a lot lately. Free writing…..this will be another example of that. There are so many thoughts and ideas running through my head and not enough place to store them. So, as unorganized as these thoughts may be, I’ve decided to share them.
Today, has been somewhat of a lazy day, yet filled with high anxiety and lots of thoughts. Many, many thoughts. Tomorrow I’m starting yet another new job. If I were to be honest, I’m not excited at all about this “opportunity” yet I’m grateful. I’m at peace with the idea of working somewhere that I have absolutely no experience or desire to be. I have peace because I know this isn’t my final destination and that it’s just apart of the journey. I have so many things to do before tomorrow. I have to prepare my children for my absence yet again(I have to be at work at 8 am, which they’re not use to spending the morning without mommy), I need to make sure I have my clothing in order(some parts of my job will require me to be in 40 degree temps), and most importantly I need to make sure I’m mentally and spiritually prepared for everything that tomorrow may bring. On top of the fact that I have homework for myself to submit and work for the children to prepare. Homeschooling definitely has its pros and cons! But I’m grateful and blessed.
Lately, I’ve been getting offended a lot lately, by things said and done to me. I’ve been feeling used and under appreciated, which I haven’t felt these emotions for quite some time or at least since I split from my soon to be ex. My current situation is filled with test, and pop quizzes. I can’t say that I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster but it’s definitely been a ride and a test of faith. Sometimes I feel like I’m going down a long dark road with no one and other times I feel like I have a guardian angel as my guide. It’s keeping me balanced enough, but it’s can’t say it’s keeping me at totally peace. I’m extremely uncomfortable, and I guess that’s what’s keeping me growing.
I have been through some things this past few months or so which has caused me reevaluate life in general. It’s hard. But I’m getting it together….with the help of my Father in Heaven, my mentor, my besties and small circle, and of course my babies. It’ll be okay. And soon, all the hard work will pay off. I know, trust and believe it. It has to because it was promised. 💛