I’m in transition. Some days are really rough. Truthfully, some days I just don’t want to deal with anyone. Some days I’m so drained and emotionally tired that I don’t have anything to give anyone. However, I also have children that are in transition. I’m not sure why it’s so easy to forget that my children are also in transition. They also have feelings of not really wanting to “deal with it.” The difference….they’re not always able to verbalize those feelings. Sometimes, their way of expressing themselves comes across as disobedience, regression, anger, or sometimes….just sometimes they break stuff.
Last night, my toddler had 3 potty accidents while sleeping. Yes, 3. This is something that we haven’t previously dealt with, bed wetting. My oldest son broke my favorite drinking glass yesterday while “zoned out”. My 8 year old, who’s probably the most like me, has completely gone into survival mode. She’s doing everything she can to keep things as normal as possible. She’s a “fixer”. My oldest, she truly has a gift for blocking out anything that isn’t appealing to her. She’s handled the transition better than any of us. Yet, there are days that I can feel her uneasiness.
There are some things that we are experiencing as a team (The Fab Five) that have completely taken us out of our comfort zone. It’s scary and it hurts sometimes….or often. I’m doing the best I can and my children know that. They’ve actually said it. They’ve been so patient with me. Which makes me realize, I should really try harder to understand what’s really going on when things happen. I need to dig deeper to find out why my toddler is having bed wetting accidents, instead of chopping it up to toddlerism or laziness. Why does my 8 year feel the need to parent her brothers and sister? My thoughts are usually because she’s bossy and a control freak. Which may have some truth, because….well…she is My child. However, it’s definitely been a little more frequently.
As I sit and reflect on the last 24 hours, I understand one thing that has to change immediately. One theme that keeps playing in my head….
You have to practice patience.
I immediately think of 2 people that have been extremely patience with me. Ironically enough, they’re both Tauruses. If astrology is true, this would explain a lot. I admire the amount of patience they exercise and truly aspire to have that level of patience, specifically with my children and my circumstances. This lesson is hard. It hurts. I hate it. Yet, it’s necessary. So, as I prepare to officially get my day started, I have this itch to apologize once again to my children. Mommy patience has been short, but I’m getting it. I’m learning and growing here.
This blog holds me accountable. If I write it, that’s it. My words are my truth and I plan to live in it. So, for the 1,999th time….
I’m learning and actively practicing patience….and if you’re reading this, pray with me please. I need that support 💛