Day 1……again

I’ve been reflecting on my current situation….a lot. Calamity and turmoil isn’t something that I’m new to. Yet, for some reason I’ve continued to allow the shock effect to take over my emotions. What’s worse, I’ve continued to ignore the fact that I’ve actually gone back to a place….I’ll just say it’s an unhealthy space and dependence. I even found myself recently thinking “Why me???” The Cinderella Syndrome has been REAL the last week or so. In fairness, I’ve done my friends a favor and not expressed those feelings out loud.(Except that one time and then that other time…)

I’m battling on how raw I want to be with my emotions and my situation…

Day 1 started for me a few days ago, again. One of the lessons I’ve found myself having re-learning is “The Power of the tongue”. I’ve made a conscious effort to change the way I see things, so I can change the way I speak about things. But yet, it keeps happening. I keep going back to that place of death and defeat. The shallow, never-ending pit of hell. Of course, not literally but the words I speak have come true on more than a few regular occasions. Those negative things that I really didn’t want to say, but did…yep. Those things that I joked about but subconsciously were true, yep! We can sometimes joke about serious matters not actually thinking about the real emotion that would come if those things were to come true.

In my case, it’s more like “This better not happen” or “as long as this doesn’t happen”. Well guess what, it happened. Now what? Do I wallow in my sorrow and misfortune or do I laugh it off and move forward? I do/did both. That saying “You have to laugh to keep from crying”, has been a repeated feeling. Some of the things that have transpired have been a direct result of things I have absolutely no control over, others were a direct result of me speaking death. I guess some lessons I’ve had to learn the hard way. That’s fine too. I get it, Now. It’s not too late for me to start over. I believe it’s because of the life I did speak over myself that’s allowed me to make it this far. It’s because of Favor.

Today is Day 3, I’ve been here before. I’ve been down this road. Somewhere between Day 3 and 5, I’m tested. I know this cycle. I recognize it now. I’ve acknowledged that I will be tested, but I also acknowledge that I will pass EVERY LAST TEST with ease. My situation won’t take me out. My testimony won’t allow it. My God, who has allows been there, knows all, allowed me to make mistakes and granted me great grace, still loves me unconditionally. He won’t allow me to break mentally. This is just a test. I knew today would start off as such, I’m prepared. I’m ready and willing to do the work needed to make it through the day. I can and will make the most of this day. I will NOT break. I WILL NOT allow death to come from my mouth. Not an ounce of negativity.

This day will be stamped and bombarded with praise. Why? Because it’s already been done. My Heavenly Father hears my cry and as always, He’ll make sure I’m fine.

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