I’ve been debating on when I should talk about suicide and my experience. It’s seems as though we are still in a space as a society that we rather not “deal with it”. Personally, I can’t see why it’s Not a conversation. It’s really unfortunate that we have friends and family battling these feelings and they can’t talk about it without fear of judgment. No one ever wants to talk about it until it happens…
I’m not in a mental space at the moment to write in detail about the times I’ve attempted or contemplated suicide. However, I feel the need to educate on what Not to do with someone that may Be suicidal, of course based on my experience. Everyone’s experience and situation is different but for me these things hurt me the most…..
Don’t blame them
This may seem seem like common sense, however common sense isn’t so common. Sometimes we can say things to people without trying to place blame on them. Some of these things would be “Stop worrying all the time”, “Maybe you should do something to yourself, you haven’t done your hair since…” or my favorite “That’s because your faith isn’t strong, have faith”. Listen, we’re blaming ourselves for enough. We feel enough guilt. We don’t need anything added to that list. Instead, how about “Let me help you with something”, “Would you like to go to the salon with me, or I saw a really cute style I’ll like to try with you”. Now, that last one, May actually hold some truth, however why point out the obvious? How about “Let’s pray, or mediate”. Or just pray For Them! I understand that everyone may not believe or understand the power of prayer BUT let me say, I’m here today BECAUSE of the prayers of others.
Don’t Attack Them
Again, this may seem obvious but hear me out. When you accuse someone of “attention seeking” or “being full of drama” that’s a direct and personal attack! Most people that suffer, suffer in silence because they don’t want people to label them a “drama queen or king”. They don’t want to be accused of attention seeking. As a matter of fact, most of us don’t want the attention….we just need help. We don’t need your pity attention either.
Do NOT Gossip About Them
(Insert deep sigh) I can’t begin to express the amount of times my mental health has been the topic of conversation amongst my family and people I considered friends. Not that they really wanted to help but it’s no more than a “juicy conversation”. Not saying, reaching out to other family members or friends might not be helpful BUT what are your intentions? How does that effect the person you’re talking about? Is the person you’re talking to someone that can help? Is the information you’re presenting factual or all opinion based? Again, I can only go based on my experiences. I didn’t enjoy hearing the gossip, negative, and untrue things said about me. As a matter of fact, it drew me closer to those thoughts that I had no one and this world didn’t need me.
Do NOT Abandon
Now, this one makes me emotional.(I’ll try and fight through to get to my point) If by chance you have someone in your life that’s suicidal or experiencing suicidal thoughts and they’ve expressed it to you….DO NOT ABANDON THEM!!! That means they trust you more than their own thoughts. They’re looking for help. They need you!
I remember reaching out to my husband(we’re still married) on several occasions needing help. There were times when I even begged for help. I never got that support. As a matter of fact it was the exact opposite at times. I’ll never forget having a complete mental breakdown in front of him and him saying “I can’t do this, stop acting crazy”. He left shortly after, yes he eventually decided to show his version of support but it doesn’t change the fact that I was completely alone. I felt completely dispensable. Like nothing.
My faith is a big part of my journey to mental wellness. Again, I understand everyone is different. I can only tell my journey. As I learn more about myself and heal, I understand there are somethings that need to be said. There are lots of things that need to be said, but no one willing to say them. I’ve said it before but this blog for me is about healing. I want to heal and I want to help others heal. Is there anything you wished you would have heard? I would love to hear. 💛💛💛