June 7, 2018

I need to write. I feel an extreme panic rage building up. “Panic rage” is something I’ve used to describe these episodes. It’s that intense feeling you get that sends your mind into a tailspin. For me it’s usually brought on after an high anxiety day. I consistently look up these symptoms, which all lead back to an anxiety attack. I’ve had anxiety attacks. This is far from an anxiety attack.

Shortness of breath? Air is running from you and laughing. Yet, you still try and focus on breathing. When I use the techniques I’ve learned, I’m usually still met with defeat. Every inhale feels like my last. I’m searching for the smallest whisper of air and it teases me. Hot/Cold flashes and Sweating? Yes, but my skin is fire. My skin is the temperature of lava. It radiates the type of heat that melt glaciers. The sweating would challenge even the most water resistant fabric.

Not to mention the feeling of being attacked by an elephant after. I physically feel tired after, tired and in pain. My body ache. Luckily, as I write this time there is no pop. The “big one” never comes and my body slowly releases endorphins…partly thanked to Indica.

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