Today I took some full body pictures. I compared them to pictures that I took last year around this time. The disappointment in knowing that I’m still not at my goal. I did something different with that disappointment. Instead of bottling it up and pouring it into my anxiously awaiting soul, I looked at the progress that I did make. I’ve lost approximately 26 pounds since last year! I’ve dropped down 2 full dress sizes! I have more energy and I can actually say that I officially have one chin again!
Small victories are to be celebrated too. My skin is breaking out really bad. It amazes me how I can point out all the flaws in me without a gap in breath but the good things, I actually have to stop and think about.
Before I could get too caught up in my feelings my toddler walked into the bathroom to distract me from my thoughts. He immediately lit up and said “BELLY”! My belly is his favorite part of me I suppose. I don’t know if it was a transfer of energy or a sweet spirit but I instantly felt proud. See, my body has done things that I never thought it could. It’s stretched and shrunk multiple times and has the evidence to prove it. I’ve always been petite but weighted 199.6 pounds( I still refuse to say 200) when I gave birth to him.
Although he’s 2 1/2, I still have the “mommy pooch”. Even with me being a 12 year veteran in mommy hood, I’ve still struggle with the idea of having to have that “snatched” body. Truthfully, I just want my old body back. My son doesn’t know anything about snatched bodies or stretch marks. He doesn’t judge my pooch, in fact he loves it! It’s his pillow, his snare, and sometimes kick drum, his piano, his patty cake partner when my hands aren’t available…most importantly it’s comfort for him. I’d like to think he recognizes this is where it all started and that he was made in love.
As for me, my body will be a constant reminder of the lives that grew in me and the unconditional love of children that greets me every morning.
I wish there wasn’t so much pressure on woman to have the perfect body after children. This seriously creates some intense and unrealistic expectations on what motherhood and the postpartum experience really is. I never felt pressure to get back down to a size 4 after I had my oldest, but social media wasn’t exactly what it is today either. Not saying that social media is the blame but…….
On today, I’m just happy that my child finds joy and comfort in something that I consider flawed. He’s the real MVP!