This is a journal explaining a little about my journey. It’s lengthy(it comes from my personal journal) but I hope this explains a little about me.
Imagine everything you touch going bad. Imagine every bad thought you think coming true. Think of twilight zone meets any random LifeTime Movie. Have you ever been so destroyed by life that you start making deals with God? Seriously, have you ever tried to bargain with God? The thought of me sitting in gravel in 50 degree weather while it drizzled…..bargaining with God. It’s actually quite funny. See, one thing that I had to realize, God knows me better than I know myself. God made me. As any parent, you Know your children. And to that, I say thank you God. Thank you for knowing my heart, thank you for knowing my thoughts, thank you for understanding my desires. Thank you for understanding what man considers “undesirable” traits within me. For I know YOU made me in Your Perfect Imagine. Nothing about what You made is bad. So Thank you for making me “spoiled” because You know, I’ll Always be Dependent on You. ( Glory to Him, at all times-No matter what)
So, imagine my daddy looking down at his melo-dramatic daughter, knowing her hurt yet knowing she hadn’t learned yet. Imagine the pain my Father felt knowing what my actions would be if he came to the rescue Again in this early stage of distress. See God knew I had to go through a little more, I had to be stripped from my pride. I had to be stripped completely from everything I held on to. I would hurt some more. My father never wanted me to hurt. My father understands that I’m spoiled, he made me this way so that I could be Dependent on Him. I’m naturally a Daddy’s Girl 💁🏾♀️. Nobody can take care of me like my daddy. So why am I trying to be grown? Why am I looking at what everyone else is doing? Why am I struggling? My Daddy promised me a struggle free life; He told me my Journey wouldn’t look like the ones around me(He told me that at 6 years old). So why do I continue to go against His Will?
In finding out this answer, I had to be truthful with myself. God was so generous 🙄😒 He even sent people to Personally tell me about myself(Have you ever been slapped and embarrassed by the Holy Spirit?) My truth is actually a gift and somewhat of a curse. I love people!!! 😩🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ Yes, I love people. I’ve spend the last 7 plus years learning to dislike people that I would often brag about how much I disliked humans. I found freedom and great pride in being able to be content with very few people around. That’s another story, however because I loved people so much I became a “people pleaser”. God never intended for me to be that either. He gave me a heart to serve, not be walked over. But he also gave me the spirit of truth, although I used it more as a tool to keep people away. After years of bad relationships and overall personal experiences (not just romantically) I grew bitter. I decided to just not deal with people. 🛑🙅🏾♀️
We are all uniquely made and we all have many layers to us. Those layers, our traits, are directly linked to our gifts. When we are not living in our purpose, everything will be out of sync. God never intended for me to be isolated. He never intended for me to cut people off. I am a servant. I am created to serve people. I Need people in order to live in my purpose. My Father wants me to live in my purpose. Living in my purpose will bless Others(He told me this) and Glorify Him. Living in purpose, makes My Father happy. 🤗🤗🤗 We all know what happens when Daddy’s happy with his Princess right? ❤️❤️❤️
So imagine being in a horror movie, feeling like you’re taking your last breaths. You’ve called out for help aimlessly-no one is there(they are either killed or ran the other direction at the sight of danger). With your last breaths you cry out to God and ask for him to send you someone. “Ooooooooooh Father Goooood! Lord, Raaaaaah! God of Abraham, Jehovah Jireh Jehovah Nissi!!! Heeeeeeeeelp! If you’re really there(I’ve already said I can be melo-dramatic-God knows this and loves me 😏) show me a sign, SAVE ME!!!!” 😭😭😭😭😭 Imagine, in that moment God sending rescue. 😳🤯
-Side Note, I love God. I understand and read my word, I pray-none of those have been consistent. Yet God loves me so much, that He meets me on my level. I needed him, to help me in Human form. Sometimes we need God to make it Very Simple. I asked….be careful what you ask for.
Anyways….Just like a really good suspense movie, the hero comes to save the day in the nick of time. Of course you’re not in he clear yet because you’re badly wounded. So you need assistance to walk. You have to walk out of your current situation to safety. Your help is here to take the baby steps with you, just hold on. We’ll take them together.
I have a calling on my life. Please understand my journey, may not look exactly like yours. However, God has chosen me to share my journey with those who may need help. My journey will give a voice to people that need one. This journey will help Someone realize their purpose. This journey will plant seeds. My journey will heal and sharing my journey will help me to heal. The space that God has chosen me to create for women will truly be free of judgement. The space will restore and grow. This space will create life in dead situations. God you get all the Glory for this and it will be a Blessing for many. Fear, Doubt, Judgement, Bitterness, Anger, Guilt, Shame, Loneliness, will not Exist in this Space. We Know none of these things are from you. You will provide what we need. This space will operate in truth and love. All for your Glory. Thank you. In Jesus Name…..Amen